There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
