I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
