just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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