dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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