Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
