I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
