Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
