i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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