o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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