Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
