i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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