I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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