And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you made out with another girl for some wings
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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