I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
