He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
