Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
