don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
