I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
