also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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