What a fucking waste of an outfit
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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