No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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