I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
