Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
