that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
