his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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