remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
