All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
