i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You're a waste of cheezeits
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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