guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
