Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
