just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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