We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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