can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
