I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
