I must be too annoying 4 u.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
