Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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