So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
