We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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