wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
