I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
