Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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