do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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