The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
