You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
