So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
