He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
