i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
organizing the empties. That sober.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
