Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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