A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
