so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
